Alone
by lighternamedcharlie
Summary: Takes place in New Moon after Jacob Saves Bella from the sea. Alternative to what happens after shes saved. ** MAJOR LEMONS ENSUE** Please review. disclaimer: Characters,setting, brief excerpt and story line all belong to Stephanie Meyer.


Jacob sat on the floor next to me, his back against the couch. I wondered when he'd slept last. He looked as exhausted as I felt. He leaned his head on the cushion next to mine and yawned. "Guess I could rest for a minute…" (excerpt from New Moon, Meyer.)

That was all it took for me to realize how tired I was too. I rolled so my back was to him, but couldn't bring myself to shut my eyes. They still had salt jammed in the corners and my throat felt raw and grainy. Besides the hurt I felt in my body, it couldn't compare to that I felt in my head. I had been so close. So close to letting go. So close to _him_. New tears started to well as I felt the slight nudging of Jacobs head, fast asleep and lulling back and forth with his snores. It calmed my tears, but only for an instant. I wouldn't be able to shut his face out for long. Slowly though, I started to think of the water. How thick and dark I could imagine it. The Sound of the ripping waves and current blocked out by the water surrounding me. It was peaceful. My mind hurt a little less. I closed my eyes and tried to think of nothing. Tried to feel the heaviness push me down….

I woke up what must have been hours later. The Sun was setting and my blanket had been replaced. My arms, more sore than anything, felt painful as I lifted them to get off the couch. Sitting up, I realized it wasn't just my arms. Still, the pain was minimal compared to my thirst. The salty texture still lined my throat and I needed water. I tip toed over the sleeping giant curled up on the floor, and made my way to the kitchen. After pouring a glass of water, I sat at the kitchen table and stared at it. For some reason the empty table and my clear glass of water was making me sad. The tears were coming again, and I set my finger tips on the edge of the table, resting my arms lazily in front of me. Being awake for the minute and half I had been was all it took for me to remember I was still alive. And he was still gone. There was no holding back the balling now. I didn't know how long I sat at the empty table with the glass, but it was pitch black outside when his hand laid on my arm.

"Bella, are you ok, are you hurt?" I couldn't stop crying, I just raised my eyebrows and puckered my lips and turned to him. He was eye level to me now. Bending at the knees, and balancing on the balls of his feet. He kept his right hand on my arm and brought his left up to touch the hair above my ear. "Bella, …BELLA! You have to tell me what's wrong."

Still blubbering, I widened my eyes and stared straight at him. I couldn't stop anything now. "It's all my fault! He didn't want me because I'm not strong enough, or pretty enough, or ….anything!" the sound of my outbursts were almost incoherent through the crying and constant sniffling. "I couldn't be what he wanted. I can't be what he wanted. I wasn't even strong enough go through with.. _it_."

The physical emotion strained all my muscles at once, and I brought my hands up to hide me face in them. Still squatting next to me, his hands had dropped to his sides when I'd moved my arms. My chest was moving up and down with the paused long gasps of air I was taking in through the sobs. Every so often I would shake my head back and fourth in my hands. Feeling suddenly embarrassed at my loss of control, I kept my left hand squished to my forehead and lowered my other hand to cover my mouth and looked at him from the corner of my eye.

He wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were glued to the bit of floor underneath the table. His arms were strained with his veins bulging out and his hands were dropped into fists. His posture now was more like a kneel, as if he was about to spring up in the air. Jaw locked, he slowly turned his head toward me and averted his eyes to my face in one quick movement. I felt the need to move both my hands to cover my mouth now. I couldn't contemplate the look in his eyes, but it scared the shit out of me. After swallowing almost painfully, he took a breath to speak to me.

" …..You mean, you tried ….to kill yourself….because of …him?"

I didn't know how to speak. I never stopped whimpering and sniffling, but I couldn't for anything explain myself. Blind men would know this is how I felt. My whole life is over and there really is no living without him. Instead of embarrassment, I felt angry, and annoyed. How could I feel annoyed? How could he not know that I was on the brink of this? He twitched his head to the side and then looked at me again. With his upper body completely tensed and still, he slowly stood up. Standing there looking down on me, I lowered my own hands and furrowed my eyebrows and met his gaze. My hair was probably clumped and tangled and my face ruff and splotchy, but I felt I had to look down on him (metaphorically at least). I was angry and pouted my lips at him. I was squinting my eyes and pulling my shoulders back. I was completely justified in doing what I did. How selfish of him to want me to live in such pain. My jaw tight, I just turned my head away and looked straight forward. My eyes were burning and I was so confused at why I wanted to cry AND scream.

Out of nowhere he slammed his fist on the table in front of me, which made my whole body jump in surprise. With his fist grinding into the table, he looked at me and kept opening his mouth and taking a breath. Repeatedly, he just took in air and paused. Always swallowing it without saying what he wanted to say. By this time I was taking in deep long breaths too, but my smoldering stare was melting away and my bottom lip started to quiver again. My eyes filled with tears as emotion overflowed me. Again I just dropped my head into my hands.

I heard the rustled growl before I heard the banging of all the cans and pots on the counter shaking against each other like there was an earthquake. I snapped my head up quick enough to catch him bringing his arm back from swiping everything off the counter. His whole body was quivering and convulsing. Through my salty eyes, I was positive I was about to see him change, right there in the kitchen. He was running out the kitchen door as soon as he, himself felt the shaking. His back was turned to me and he didn't look at me while he was running away. The door swung back on itself and he was gone.

I was alone again. I didn't have any energy left to keep crying. Defeated and exhausted, I stared at my glass of water. I kept fluttering my eyes around the room, but never focused on anything. I didn't stop darting glances around the room until I glanced across the fridge and really noticed for the first time a Polaroid that had been stuck on the freezer top with a green plastic "W" magnet. It was Jacob. He was standing with his hands across his chest and his chin up in the air. Embry's arm was around his shoulders and they both had a side smile on their faces as if very pleased with themselves. Looking at this Jacob made me even sadder. I wasn't angry with him anymore. I missed him and hated myself for saying whatever it was I'd just said. I didn't understand how it had hurt him but I know it did. For a moment I contemplated if I'd had enough strength to make it back to the cliff.

Just then, Jacob stormed through the door, making it crack against the side of the house. I could only react by leaning back in my chair in the time it took him to get to me. He grabbed my wrist forcefully and yanked me to my feet. With no hesitation he hooked his arm around me and pulled me into his body. He still had my wrist gripped tightly when he forced our mouths together. It was harsh and fervent, and when I started to struggle against him he just brought his hand to the back of my head and pushed me towards him. I felt his tongue pushing against my lips and I parted them only slightly. Feeling them open, he pushed it into my mouth and started lapping and suckling. My legs buckled and I lost balance of myself. He felt the weight change and just gripped around me tighter and kissed me harder.

I was lost then. I didn't want this. I didn't want any part of this. But I couldn't stop it from happening. He felt so hot and hard against me. Constricting around me tighter with each breath I took in. I exhaled one last time and my body went limp. I wasn't supporting my own weight anymore and my head rolled back.

He didn't let our lips part but he did let go of my wrist to put both hands around my body. Carrying me, he moved his fingers slowly down my lower back and moved to cup the cheeks of my ass. Firmly squeezing both, He grabbed them with the strength of his biceps flexing and lifted me up to him. My legs wrapped around his waist and for the first time since I had woken up, I felt my physical feelings affect me.

I was warm and his body was burning. His bare chest was chiseled enough to catch the material of his worn t-shirt I was wearing. The material bunched around the muscles of his abdomen, keeping it bustled above my belly button and exposing the skin on my stomach. We were still kissing passionately and his hands had adjusted to holding me. His left arm was now cradling my ass and the right had balled my hair up to my scalp to push the back of my head deeper into him. Pushing closer, I felt the skin of our stomachs rub against each other and it sent goosebumps down my arms. The warm in my stomach traveled down my body to the core between my legs and I could feel it getting wet and hot against his sweat pants.

His tongue traced my bottom lip and I was just getting wetter. I let out a slight moan through breaths and he reacted almost before I actually made them. Excitement in his actions, he hiked me up higher on himself like adjusting a baby's weight on your hip. As gravity creeped me back down, I felt his dick pulsing and bursting at the material of his pants. It felt good and made my core pulse a little at the feeling of my juices rubbing around on my panties. My arms were around his neck now and my hands were gripping at the skin bellow his hair. No matter what directions I was conveying to myself, every few seconds I would be constantly reminded of the hurt in between my legs and how much I wanted his dick to touch me there.

Feeling the hard bulge pumping against my thigh sent electricity through my whole body. He was now squeezing me tighter with both arms under my ass to pick up my whole body to sit me on the table .As our bodies moved clumsily and forcefully over to the table, my butt knocked over the glass of water. I could feel the droplets of water underneath me and heard the glass fall and shatter on the floor. I felt the sweat on my inner thighs as he slowly brought his hand up from my knee to push my legs apart. The oversized shorts I was wearing made the leg wholes so big he could slip in his huge hands underneath them effortlessly.

Resting his right hand on the top of my thigh underneath the shorts, his left hand was trailing up the outside of my other leg, grazing the curve of my hip and underside of my ass. My hands curled up to the back of his scalp and were gripping tightly. For the first time, I pulled away to gasp for air. In the millisecond we made eye contact I caught the oddest glimpse of annoyance in his eyes and he quickly just pulled at the hair on the back of my head so that I was looking straight up. He moved his mouth from my face to the middle of my neck. He kept sucking his way down to my collar bone and then back up to my jaw beneath the ear.

He put his hand back under my shorts and was continually massaging my inner thigh. He had opened his other hand completely to squeeze my ass. Still sucking the side of my neck, his hand started to slowly creep farther up my leg until his fingertips found the bottom of my panties. I felt the moment of hesitance of his fingers when they touched how utterly hot and soaked they were. With this, I felt his dick twitch and then harden out again against my leg. His hips bucking closer between my legs at the wetness. But not stopping to pause, he first lightly poked my opening through my panties and then curved his finger so that his knuckle quickly ran down my slit. The sensation made me arch my back and my breasts tighten.

Taking the skin below my jaw between his teeth at that exact moment made my eyes flutter while looking up at the ceiling. "Ohhh…Ja-c, ..Jac., Jac-ub." Was all I managed to let out." Both his hands froze in place and he immediately pulled them out and stepped a foot back. He looked into my eyes and tensed his shoulders. At first I was pouty and begging with my eyes, but they slowly got wider as I realized the look he was giving me. He wasn't confused or unhappy, no. He was angry.

His nostrils were flaring and his hands balled into fists at his sides again. It was only a few moments but he had worked himself into a rage. I started to reach my hand towards him and he instinctively grabbed both my wrists and closed the distance between our bodies. He put both wrists into one of his hands and used the other to move me down and propel me around to face the other direction. The front of my legs crashed into the table top and made me fall over it.

Regaining the grip on my wrists, he re-adjusted his stance to be directly behind me, pushing my body into the table. The t-shirt I was wearing was stretched far up now, exposing my bare lower back to him. He was standing up behind me and I was bent over the table. He rested his free hand on my skin for a minute, and then roughly grabbed at the material at the top of my shorts. I could hear the rip and felt the uncomfortable tug has he shredded them into two pieces and pulled them off my body.

I was still mortified at my confusion of the situation but I couldn't stop my core from thumping at the warmth and wetness his constraining hold was giving me. Less gentle then the first time, his free hand ran up the back of my leg to force them apart at my thighs. His dick was hard and rubbing against me, almost directly behind by ass. I was out of breath, but my gasping wasn't anything compared to the throbbing and radiating heat I felt from my core. His hand was hovering at my thigh so close to the heat, I was sure he could feel it. All I wanted, all I could think of was how I wanted him to touch me. To touch the folds of my opening and lather at the juice there. To push himself inside me. To fill me with …

"Ughhh…." Was all I heard from him as I felt his dick constrain and pulse and felt it move up my cheek. I suddenly had to see him. I had to see what the heat and dampness of my spot was doing to him. I turned my head as far to the right as I could, but my body was still bent and lying over the table, my hands still pinned in front of me. My head was turned back awkwardly and I traced his body with my eyes from his hand that now rested on the side of my ass, to his flexing broad shoulders, and his head that rolled back and was looking at the ceiling. He exhaled a big breath and lowered his head to meet my eyes. That sudden pained and angry looked swept over him once again and before I could open my mouth to say anything his hand grabbed the back of my head and forced it to turn back around.

I could feel it release my hair and suddenly was holding my inner thigh in the same place it had before. This time grabbing at my skin as if to steady it. Then I felt his finger at the side hem of my underwear and was overwhelmed at the throbbing and electricity I felt wash over my center. I could feel my ass flex and my breasts tighten at the anticipation of his hand. I wasn't ready when the tip of his finger hooked at the side hem of the bottom of my panties and the top of his knuckle grazed the wet lips of my folds. I shuddered through my whole body and he yanked my panties to one side. It was painful as I felt and heard the fabric ripping and stretching to expose just my opening.

I was reminded of his raging bulge as it came in contact with my folds through his pants. I reacted by straightening out my arms and closing my eyes. Letting out a low grumbled sigh, I panted and imagined the feel of his big rough cock filling all of me. I rolled my eyes open and couldn't take it anymore.

"Jacob….plea..please fuck me. FUCK me."

His body paused as if he was surprised by my words. I felt his body and sweatpants shimmying around hurriedly as the soft taught material I felt on my butt was replaced by the burning of his bare skin. His pants twined around his ankles and his huge dick pulsed. But no sooner did my eyes open and trying to breath through the painful desire, did I feel him slamming his cock through my opening.

My neck stiffened and my hands clenched as if holding imaginary orbs. My mouth stayed wide open in an elongated "O" shape as I felt the most excruciating pain. He pulled out fast, but plunged again immediately. He just kept pumping farther and farther into me. There were droplets of blood trickling down my legs that would escape between each thrust. His breathing was getting louder and he was letting out husky moans right before he'd plow me. My nerves were bundling up and the pain was numbing away into how hot and good he felt when he was in me.

I too started moaning and whimpering when his thrusts became so deep that his dick would poke at the inside of me. My walls were constricting and his hard on was actually getting _bigger._ His hand was still holding my wrists pinned on the table and his other hand started rubbing and grasping my ass.

When one long and lingering thrust made my juices ooze, I couldn't quiet my outburst and hissed out "Oh, Jacob."

Stiffening his body, he brought his other arm up to mine and took one wrist in each hand. They were abruptly spread apart and stretched out over the table so that is hands were covering mine and his fingers were laced between the gaps of my fingers. The thrusting became pushed now. Less rhythmic and more power.

I understood. He didn't want to hear how good this felt to me. He didn't want to hear that I was aching and throbbing for him. He couldn't listen to my moaning and sighing his name. This was about something else, and he didn't want my thoughts apart of his. He was angry with me, and all of his anger was flowing into me. He was pushing me closer to my end and I hushed my suppressed sigh and bit my lip. My eyes closed shut now, torn between the guilt that crawled up my spine and the intense pleasure that balled in my center. I wanted to scream his name. I wanted to shout at him to go harder…faster…deeper. I wanted to tell him to cum hard inside me and I wanted him to hurt and push at me.

But I couldn't. This wasn't about me, not to him. He started gripping my hands tighter and his hips were bucking ferociously. I could tell he was getting closer and closer with each forced plunge. I opened my eyes, for my forsaken salty tears were returning. For all the uncomfortable and sharp pain he was pounding into me, it still felt sooo good.

"_Oh fuck yes_"...I thought "_FUCK….Oh, Oh ……OOOH_"

I was so close. Just a little bit harder and my insides would burst. He was almost there with me but his breathing and yearning was out loud for me to hear. I was hanging on his every moan and then felt our sweaty skin slapping at each other. I had to open my eyes to escape the blinding red color filling the darkness of my eyelids. I had all this energy radiating from my legs, arms, body as the next pounding thrust could be the one to sends me over the edge. Pent up and needing to be released, my arms started contracting under his hold and my head stretched around. Moving it as best I could, I leaned my head to the side so it was smashed with my cheek lying on the table. I could hear our parts squeaking and slapping against each other as my wetness slathered everything.

My tears were escaping and one by one they would roll down my cheek to the table. I caught sight of his picture on the refrigerator. Happy, smug, and smiling Jacob looking at me. Watching me. This is the Jacob I wanted to imagine was griping my ass and fucking me like this. This is the Jacob I was now looking at and thinking about as my core ached on through the bombardment.

One of his hands left mine and suddenly slapped at my right ass cheek. The sting and force of his hand shocked me just enough to tighten my whole body. All the lights were bright and I came so hard, clenching around his whole cock. Riding through it, I couldn't help the muffled "oooh's", and "OOOhhOO's" that escaped my lips. The flowing of my cum obviously oozing over his tip and shaft made him want to push in harder and his speed quickened to an unbelievable buzzing hum. He Screamed out " BELlllLA" and then exploded inside of me. I could feel him quivering as my tight walls milked him out. A few more empting thrusts and he just stopped and stayed penetrating me.

We both lay still and were panting and out of breath. I couldn't bear to be the first to move or speak, so I just stayed motionless bent over the table. His hold on my hand and my ass relaxed and I felt his dick twitch in me. He bent farther over my body and I could feel his breath on the back of the exposed part of my neck. A few more moments without moving a muscle and he leaned in to kiss me softly and caressingly on the skin below my ear.

My eyes closed one last time and the final tear made its way down my cheek, neck, and then down my collarbone. I wasn't alone anymore.


End file.
